Straight from Heart- Title
I chose this title for this blog, as this was the phrase used by my good friend Shanto. He used this phrase twice. Once on his farewell day i.e day when he was leaving from Bangalore to US . Next he used when he met me during last week. He is one of the few persons who always believed me and my personal strengths and looked at me from a different perspective. I always felt i am too straight and certainly carry more emotions more than a normal person and with the result people may not prefer me as a person. He is of the view that my biggest strength on relation is that I think from my heart and not from my brain. But i used to ponder whether it is a strength. Can a relation be nurtured in such an emotional manner . How many people can think like Shanto and in my view few and in my experience hardly i have come across any person in my first circle who has a heart of reciprocation. It may also be due to our own internal emotional conflicts because in every relation, we set expectations consciouly or sub-consciouly and when the expectations are not met we get into different moods and more of a negative side of it. So does it mean that it calls for a change in my thinking or in my approach ?
In life we learn from others experience or we learn from our own experience. The realisation by us in our own life will make us to change for better. I also realised the need for change. I also felt the need for change six months back. Somewhere in the month of June i realised and thanks to my dearest friend who opened my eyes. We always meet various people and some people influence us in a more positive manner and some people influence our thinking. I also got changed due to one of my closest friend who influenced my thinking. The change which brought me was two fold. One self realisation on mine and second not to create any expectations from any relation.
Self realisation
During the month of June I received worst ever drubbing from the most unexpected person in my life. I realised on that fateful day. My realisation was simple.I felt little bit ashamed of myself on my past when i used to express my negative side of the emotions and used to take on people be it officially or professionally or personally. If i can feel bad on drubbing by somebody who is so close to my heart, how much others would have felt bad due to me. Post that i realised an immediate need to change myself. I made an attempt to change but i am not sure about the success. But certainly people do tell me now that this Sekar is different from the old sekar. Many thanks to that friend who taught me and opened my eyes.
Relation without expectations
This incidence also opened my eyes on other thought. Is it possible to have a relation without expectations. In life we meet various people. We like to treat some people as passers by, some people as genuine friends and likes to create the relation for life and some people just as acquaintainces. There is no set rule but all of us have preferences. Each preference is governed by set of circumstances and certain expectations out of it.
Should we create all this relation with expectations? I am not saying everybody does it. Certainly an average person like me gets that thought. It is human and i dont like to feel gulity about it. But when the expectations are not met certainly it impacts us. Very often we like to give something for somebody or try to help others or try to assist others. We try to do this purely for the sake of relation or the enjoyment that we derive from that relation or friendship.
The relation may last and in my view it is possible to last only we continue to love the relation without any expectations. Continue to love the relation though the other person may not attach importance to it. This is possible only if we have no expectations. I tell to some of the people " Everybody will love me as long as they need me" when they talk about relation management. The challenge therefore before us is that as an individual we need to keep on buidling up value addition in our relation. Not only value addition in our professional relation but also in any relation.
Belief in your thought
I recall the story in Mahabharat. Lord Krishna was sleeping in the afternoon which is the most unusual. Both Duryodhana and Arjuna comes to meet him to take Lord's help for the battle. Lord has two offers. One his complete Army without Lord and second Lord himself but without any arms and condition that he will no fight. The offer was given to Duryodhana first and he prefers Krishna's army as he thought with army he could defeat others but Arjuna preferred Lord. Ultimately the blessing of Lord helped Pandavas to win the battle. The moral here is simple. Arjuna loved Lord but Duryodhana preferred material out of the lord. (Though Arjuna was taught lesson by Lord in different time due to his arrogance) .If relation is created for the benefit it may not last but if relation is created only for the respect, love and regards on others, it may last .
C.Rajagopalachari (Rajaji) in one of his speeches used to say " when knowledge becomes matured it becomes wisdom" May be i am trying to become more matured on every aspect of my life. Many thanks to that friend who taught me and opened my eyes. One of my lawyer friends and my Rakhi sister used to describe me that "My IQ on tax and profession is high but my EQ on relation is very low". I hope my EQ also becomes higher in the days to come.
Have a great week ahead.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Friday, January 13, 2012
First Lesson- A step
It gave me a different feeling when i completed my first blog. Though i wrote books on taxation and articles on taxation, when I wrote first time on a non-tax subject, i felt happy because i could communicate very honestly and without offending anyperson. Many times during my discussions with some of the people when i explain the experience and the lesson which i learnt, people used to ask me to share my thoughts and my experiences.I never felt or realised that i have reached a stage where i can share my experiences or becoming like a guru to somebody. Even today i dont think i have come to that stage but certainly i thought after completing my first blog i wanted to share a lot through this to the people whom i know. May be after reading this some of the negative impressions on me can change and sometimes people may believe me more or people may get tips.
The first aspect which i wanted to write a little bit more is on "Emotions" as i carry a tag " Emotional Fool" from my dearest friend . Very often it is misunderstood by others or people use the emotions in a most negative manner. Me being a person with lot of emotions wanted to share my experiences on this. I converted some of the emotions into positive side rather than negative and my also my relaisation which enabled me to stop my shouting and yelling on others. Lot of people ask me how i could i change or reduce my shouting or yelling or taking on the people. The realisation which i underwent six months back was dramatic and it helped me change drastically. I am not sure whether i have changed completely but i can assure that i have taken steps seriously to change. I will also share later on how i realised or the process of realisation.
My first emotional moment was the loss of my father on Febraury 14 1989. I passed the CA on Jan 14 1989 and my father struggled every bit to see me in that position. I still remember the day my result was out. Those days in the absence of internet or technology we used to go CA Institute in Nungambakkam High Road in Chennai and see the results at midnight. I took my friend Vish whom we affectinaley call as Punk to see the result. I bet on his luck instead of my efforts as he was successful earlier in my intermediate exams. So again i took him for Final result and he told me that i got through the exams. After seeing the result in midnight i took the first train and reached my hiome. My father was standing outside since 5 AM to know my result and the moment i told him my success he could not hide his joy and his happiness was all there . I realised that he had on expectations on me as some of his friends were well known CA in Chennai those days. May be he was under the impression that his son will also become successful like his friends . As expected by him I got the job in S.B. Billimoria&Co in their audit team and supposed to join on Feb 15th 1989 but i lost him on Feb 14 1989. That was an absolute rude shock to me and it took years for me to get out og it. It is an understatement if i say i got out of it because even today whenever i receive any accolodaes from any person i think of him and tears will roll down. His teachings to me were simple. To give an example, whenever we used to think that why we are at low ebb compared to others or why we need to go through some of the tough moments in our life, his answer was simple which i follow even today to the core. "God brings the man in deep waters not to drown him but to cleanse him". In other words i realised how every difficult situation gives an opportunity to you to improve upon yourself and contribute.
Certainly the emotional loss was big one and even today i.e after almost 22 years of loss still i think of him i can become emotional because i miss him to the core as he is not near to me to see me and my growth. What i am saying through this lines is that the loss and consequential emotional impact on me made me to work more and more to achieve what he wanted me to achieve.
I was converting every aspect of the emotions in the first few years towards my profession and work because that was the only way by which i could supress my emotional feelings on the loss of my father. Essentially the loss which i suffered and the emotions which i had on that loss diverted to my work because the work helped me to overcome the loss. Many of my colleagues call me as "workaholic". May be this could be starting point for that. The emotions which i had was diverted positvely and in my view but for that emotional loss, i am not sure whether i would have reached this stage. This was my first step and may be i was successful in conversion of negative emotions or emotional loss into positive one. I may be sharing how other two instances of negative converted into positive energy and how i managed.
The reason is simple. Every one of us have emotions. For somebody it is hidden and for somebody it becomes known. The emotional person is not negative and certainly he or she needs a support. If those emotions are not negative emotions and what he needs a solace,never deny unless you believe that support has an agenda or it encoraches on your personal life. Again the weakness of an emotional person is his extraordinary affection on a person or an obsession on a particular object or goal. If that affection or obsession is not negative or does not encorach on your personal value system, be a supportve to him and be kind to him and certainly his negative will be converted into positive. I will touch this portion more when i start blogging on positive emotions and negative emotions.
In my view an emotional person is like a kid. A kid needs mother help or fathers help to walk by holding their hands. Post that the kid will become independent. If you are a good friend for him he will be loyal to you forever as an emotional person can or will never forget the good which has been done. Certainly i am going to share more on this because whatever i have achieved today is only because of my emotions, which i converted into passion. Have a great day.
The first aspect which i wanted to write a little bit more is on "Emotions" as i carry a tag " Emotional Fool" from my dearest friend . Very often it is misunderstood by others or people use the emotions in a most negative manner. Me being a person with lot of emotions wanted to share my experiences on this. I converted some of the emotions into positive side rather than negative and my also my relaisation which enabled me to stop my shouting and yelling on others. Lot of people ask me how i could i change or reduce my shouting or yelling or taking on the people. The realisation which i underwent six months back was dramatic and it helped me change drastically. I am not sure whether i have changed completely but i can assure that i have taken steps seriously to change. I will also share later on how i realised or the process of realisation.
My first emotional moment was the loss of my father on Febraury 14 1989. I passed the CA on Jan 14 1989 and my father struggled every bit to see me in that position. I still remember the day my result was out. Those days in the absence of internet or technology we used to go CA Institute in Nungambakkam High Road in Chennai and see the results at midnight. I took my friend Vish whom we affectinaley call as Punk to see the result. I bet on his luck instead of my efforts as he was successful earlier in my intermediate exams. So again i took him for Final result and he told me that i got through the exams. After seeing the result in midnight i took the first train and reached my hiome. My father was standing outside since 5 AM to know my result and the moment i told him my success he could not hide his joy and his happiness was all there . I realised that he had on expectations on me as some of his friends were well known CA in Chennai those days. May be he was under the impression that his son will also become successful like his friends . As expected by him I got the job in S.B. Billimoria&Co in their audit team and supposed to join on Feb 15th 1989 but i lost him on Feb 14 1989. That was an absolute rude shock to me and it took years for me to get out og it. It is an understatement if i say i got out of it because even today whenever i receive any accolodaes from any person i think of him and tears will roll down. His teachings to me were simple. To give an example, whenever we used to think that why we are at low ebb compared to others or why we need to go through some of the tough moments in our life, his answer was simple which i follow even today to the core. "God brings the man in deep waters not to drown him but to cleanse him". In other words i realised how every difficult situation gives an opportunity to you to improve upon yourself and contribute.
Certainly the emotional loss was big one and even today i.e after almost 22 years of loss still i think of him i can become emotional because i miss him to the core as he is not near to me to see me and my growth. What i am saying through this lines is that the loss and consequential emotional impact on me made me to work more and more to achieve what he wanted me to achieve.
I was converting every aspect of the emotions in the first few years towards my profession and work because that was the only way by which i could supress my emotional feelings on the loss of my father. Essentially the loss which i suffered and the emotions which i had on that loss diverted to my work because the work helped me to overcome the loss. Many of my colleagues call me as "workaholic". May be this could be starting point for that. The emotions which i had was diverted positvely and in my view but for that emotional loss, i am not sure whether i would have reached this stage. This was my first step and may be i was successful in conversion of negative emotions or emotional loss into positive one. I may be sharing how other two instances of negative converted into positive energy and how i managed.
The reason is simple. Every one of us have emotions. For somebody it is hidden and for somebody it becomes known. The emotional person is not negative and certainly he or she needs a support. If those emotions are not negative emotions and what he needs a solace,never deny unless you believe that support has an agenda or it encoraches on your personal life. Again the weakness of an emotional person is his extraordinary affection on a person or an obsession on a particular object or goal. If that affection or obsession is not negative or does not encorach on your personal value system, be a supportve to him and be kind to him and certainly his negative will be converted into positive. I will touch this portion more when i start blogging on positive emotions and negative emotions.
In my view an emotional person is like a kid. A kid needs mother help or fathers help to walk by holding their hands. Post that the kid will become independent. If you are a good friend for him he will be loyal to you forever as an emotional person can or will never forget the good which has been done. Certainly i am going to share more on this because whatever i have achieved today is only because of my emotions, which i converted into passion. Have a great day.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Emotional Fool
I just started blogging today. I found that expressing views on any matter in a more rational manner helps a person lot. Very often every one of us have certain views on certain matters and it may not be possible to communicate to the concerned person for various reasons or to people at large. May be the blogging can help me to overcome. I am starting against this background.
Today the topic which i started is " Emotional Fool". I liked this because my dearest friend has given this title to me. I am not sure how much the person meant or what that person intended to communciate though knowing that person very well, the same is not intended to use in a derogatroy manner. I thought i could give some views on this.
Every one of us have emotions. Without emotions a person cannot survive. Some people knows how to control it or some people knows how to express it. But the excessive emotions may not be a good. Every one of us carry certain weakness spot. When the person hits his or her weakness spot the emotions comes out. Very often we blame the other person for being emotional but we do not know how much we contribute to other person emotions. The single biggest reason comes is lack of understanding of the other person or nagging the other person. Finally we blame the person for being emotional.
I dont think having emotions is worng or bad but use the emotions in a more positive manner or divert to rightful way. If the emotionsl are used in a negative manner it spells disaster. I have gone through emotions various times but certainly i try to use the emotions in a positive way rather than negative manner.
In the epcis which i have read i may think that leading Saints like Thyagraraga, Thirunavukarsar all had emotions but their emotions are dedicated to God. Maruti was also emotional with Lord Ram. In fact the saying is that people who worship Lord Maruti is blessed by Lord Ram more than worshipping Lord Ram, because the dedication to Ram is extremely high. This dedication comes out of emotion. These are positive emotions. The example of negative emotions is King Drudharashtra attachment to his sons without being rationale. The other positive emotion but not to the right person is Karna's attachment to Duryodhana. In today parlance, we may call Karna as emotional because though he was aware that Lord Krishna is on the other side and supporting Duryodhana will not prevent the inevitable yet he chose the path because of his attachment to Duryodhana.
The primary reason for any emotion is dedictaion or possessive of any object or relation. In my view dedication to a right cause or possessive of a relation is not bad but keeping yourself positive is important. In our real life we are dedicated to certain relation or association. I consider the dedication in a right manner is not bad and certainly this dedication will keep you active. Another important factor leads to positive emotions is dedication without expectations. A dedictaion without expectations will improve the state of mind and helps us to overcome disappointments. Therefore i dont think being emotional is bad but be positive on the relation or object which you are possesive. If it is like Karna attachment it is welcome. Let the "emotional fool" be considered "emotional intelligent" and certainly it helps the people.
To conclude i may be emotional but certianly my emotions are positive and for me any relation which i create is a life long relation irrespective of how other person thinks or treats me and absolutely no expectations of any reciprocation. Have a great day.
Today the topic which i started is " Emotional Fool". I liked this because my dearest friend has given this title to me. I am not sure how much the person meant or what that person intended to communciate though knowing that person very well, the same is not intended to use in a derogatroy manner. I thought i could give some views on this.
Every one of us have emotions. Without emotions a person cannot survive. Some people knows how to control it or some people knows how to express it. But the excessive emotions may not be a good. Every one of us carry certain weakness spot. When the person hits his or her weakness spot the emotions comes out. Very often we blame the other person for being emotional but we do not know how much we contribute to other person emotions. The single biggest reason comes is lack of understanding of the other person or nagging the other person. Finally we blame the person for being emotional.
I dont think having emotions is worng or bad but use the emotions in a more positive manner or divert to rightful way. If the emotionsl are used in a negative manner it spells disaster. I have gone through emotions various times but certainly i try to use the emotions in a positive way rather than negative manner.
In the epcis which i have read i may think that leading Saints like Thyagraraga, Thirunavukarsar all had emotions but their emotions are dedicated to God. Maruti was also emotional with Lord Ram. In fact the saying is that people who worship Lord Maruti is blessed by Lord Ram more than worshipping Lord Ram, because the dedication to Ram is extremely high. This dedication comes out of emotion. These are positive emotions. The example of negative emotions is King Drudharashtra attachment to his sons without being rationale. The other positive emotion but not to the right person is Karna's attachment to Duryodhana. In today parlance, we may call Karna as emotional because though he was aware that Lord Krishna is on the other side and supporting Duryodhana will not prevent the inevitable yet he chose the path because of his attachment to Duryodhana.
The primary reason for any emotion is dedictaion or possessive of any object or relation. In my view dedication to a right cause or possessive of a relation is not bad but keeping yourself positive is important. In our real life we are dedicated to certain relation or association. I consider the dedication in a right manner is not bad and certainly this dedication will keep you active. Another important factor leads to positive emotions is dedication without expectations. A dedictaion without expectations will improve the state of mind and helps us to overcome disappointments. Therefore i dont think being emotional is bad but be positive on the relation or object which you are possesive. If it is like Karna attachment it is welcome. Let the "emotional fool" be considered "emotional intelligent" and certainly it helps the people.
To conclude i may be emotional but certianly my emotions are positive and for me any relation which i create is a life long relation irrespective of how other person thinks or treats me and absolutely no expectations of any reciprocation. Have a great day.
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