God's will- Goodwill

God’s will = Good will

 

 

In the last few days I was going through some tough moments in my emotional life.  Certainly the moments (nothing connected with professional) were not great and sometime I was cursing myself and the emotional aspect of my life. The misunderstandings and certain casual approach from few people made me highly worried. But unfortunately being an emotional person whose EQ is little bit low but having high regards on few people in my personal life (apart from my family members) realised that I need to go through this roller coaster ride. Sometime the bondage from my perspective is very high and when it gets upset the mind goes astray thinking that can there a better solution because of the following:

·         I cannot control the behavior of others.

·         I can change my attitude or approach if it is wrong and if is in correct.

·         I can change my approach if it hurts others.

·         I can plead sorry and ask apology if I did any unintentional mistake

·         But can I change my basic emotional character ?

·         I realised it is too difficult but only one thing I can do i.e I should not hurt others.

The people whom I know or at least I claim to know very well cause an injury (may be self inflicted  in their view) to my basic tenet I become speechless. And with this low EQ I almost pray to god either to take away my emotional character or take me away from this world. But I realised both are not possible because it is god’s will. However on first thought I cannot change the character but I should ensure that I should not hurt others.

I was discussing with one of the coach who identified this as a feature called HSP ( Highly Sensitive Person). I thought it was a disorder but he helped me to go through the website and some medical terms and made me to realise the following:

·         This emotional feeling is not a disorder like what others think of me.

·         On a study, 20% of the people do belong to this category.

·         There is no need to change the basic character.

·         But realise and understand the limits.

Coming back to the tumultuous days, I was almost praying to god to take me away but I realised that the will of god is not that. If birth and death can come according to my will then nature or god’s will canbecome meaningless which should not be.

I was also reading an interview of Sankaracharya after his acquittal and I found three lines which really changed my approach “Leave everything to the will of god. He will look after what must happen. But have the courage and grace to accept his will.” When a saint can say these words, a lesser mortal like me who has gone through the roller coaster of emotions should also accept the god’s will. My coach yesterday concluded that “What you give in life will come back to you in different form be it good or bad. This is law of nature”.  I am closing this with a hope that law of nature will operate and the love, regards, affection that I give on some people will come back to me at some point in my life. Till such time I pray to god that give me strength to bear this and give me courage to accept it and above all give me the ability to do good for everybody despite their issues on me.